


Forever Mine

by kittys_devil



Series: Hurt_Comfort Bingo [4]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Character Death, Deathfic, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-25
Updated: 2011-08-25
Packaged: 2017-10-23 01:23:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/244692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittys_devil/pseuds/kittys_devil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam gets sick and needs Tommy's help with his 'list'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forever Mine

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for major character death, triggers for illness of cancer.
> 
> Written for Hurt/Comfort bingo, major illness square.

_  
Turn away,  
If you could get me a drink  
Of water 'cause my lips are chapped and faded  
Call my aunt Marie Help her gather all my things  
And bury me in all my favorite colors,  
My sisters and my brothers, still, I will not kiss you, '  
Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you. Now turn away, '  
Cause I'm awful just to see '  
Cause all my hairs abandoned all my body,  
Oh, my agony, Know that I will never marry,  
Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo  
But counting down the days to go It just ain't living  
And I just hope you know  
That if you say (if you say)  
Goodbye today (goodbye today)  
I'd ask you to be true (cause I'd ask you to be true) '  
Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you '  
Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you  
~Cancer by My Chemical Romance~  
  
_   


_  
  
_

It started towards the end of the tour for the fourth album.The show was big and bad ass and so much fun. But it took so much out of Adam, out of all of us.Everything had to be perfect every night. And we all worked our asses off night after night to make sure it was.

And after the show we all crashed, and usually crashed really hard.We had done this enough we didn’t need to go out and experience the world like we had the first two tours. 

But then something changed in Adam. It started out so slow. Going to bed a little earlier, sleeping a little later in the morning.Then he started needing a power nap in the afternoon.But then again, we had been doing this for a few months and it takes a toll on your body.And Adam pushes harder than the rest of us. 

Then it was the bags under his eyes.The look he had like he was never getting enough sleep. The way his eyes would glaze over like he was sleeping with them open.

He needed to sit more and longer.There came a point where he would barely make it off stage before he was collapsing into a chair.His scheduled has been so rearranged at this point he was not doing much promoting; it was mostly just resting between shows.He was still refusing to see anyone, telling anyone that asked that it was just from the exhaustion and stress of the tour.That he would be fine.

He never told anyone about the pain or the blood that he would see when he goes to the bathroom.He hides the weight loss, blaming it on the stress of the tour when Sutan asks him why his clothes are even looser. 

Adam hides it all from everyone until he collapses two weeks before the end of the tour. 

He is rushed off to the hospital.And everyone just assumes it’s exhaustion and maybe he not eating as well as he should.He just pushes and pushes until he has no more to give.Everything for the fans he always says. And this time he pushed himself too far. 

The doctors run test after test trying to figure out what is going on.Adam finally confesses everything that he has been feeling.He tells the doctors all of the things that he has been hiding from everyone so they didn’t worry about him.

All it takes is a CT scan and it’s more than obvious to the radiologist and the doctor that is treating him. 

Cancer. 

And it has spread. 

The tour is cancelled. He is flown home to be treated at the best Cancer Center in LA.

Surgery is not even an option anymore. So they tried chemotherapy. But it was all too late. 

Adam started measuring his life in months, not years. 

~ ~ ~ ~

Adam doesn’t really know how long. There are guesses, but no one is ever certain.So he makes a list. The things he really wants to do before he dies. 

The first thing on his list is to marry his love.He has Danielle and Sutan to help him.It’s going to be a surprise to Tommy. 

They fly to New York.Adam brings their closest friends and family. It’s small and beautiful and amazing.Tommy knows something is up just as soon as they get to the hotel room.There are two clothing bags hanging up waiting for them.

“Adam?”

Adam carefully gets down on one knee, grabs Tommy’s hand and looks up into his eyes.

“Marry me tomorrow?”

“Of course. But what about…”

Adam doesn’t even let Tommy finish before he is kissing him with all the love in his heart. 

The next afternoon they walk up to the judge, Tommy in his black suit and Adam in his white suit, in front of those closest to them.As they say the vows they both shed tears.And when they turn to face their loved ones they can see tears in everyone’s eyes. 

It’s the perfect day, and it ends with the perfect night.Dinner with those they love followed by dancing and smiles. Tommy and Adam dance once, Tommy holding up more of Adam than he is used to.They spend the rest of the night together talking and smiling and pretending they will live happily ever after.

When they get to the hotel Adam is so exhausted he can hardly move.Tommy gets him out of his clothes and into bed. He holds Adam tight cherishing the days he has left with his husband. 

~ ~ ~ ~

When they get back to LA Adam shows Tommy his list. 

“Please help me with this Tommy. I can’t do it alone.”

“But when it’s done…” Tommy can’t even finish as the tears stream down his face. He doesn’t even want to think of life without Adam. 

“Please Tommy. I need this.”

Tommy just smiles. He knows he has to be strong for Adam no matter how hard it is. Adam gives Tommy his list. It’s hard for him to read. He just wants to keep pretending that there will be a happily ever after. 

Before I die I want to:

Marry Tommy.

Learn to play an instrument.

Learn to ballroom dance _properly_.

Fly a paper airplane off a building.

Burry a time capsule.

Listen to the wolves howl in the wild.

Write a letter to Riff.

Take a midnight walk on the beach.

Send a message in a bottle.

Taken a candle light bath with someone.

Even though Tommy doesn’t want to think about it he knows he has to help Adam.

“So baby boy, what one are we doing next?”

“Teach me to play the guitar?”

Tommy just giggles. He goes to get his guitar and sits next to Adam.They work on it for hours and over the next few months.And eventually Adam can play a little bit.But he usually just gets too distracted by watching Tommy play with him and forgets what he is doing. 

Tommy sets up a camera after Adam has been playing for a few months in the living room.

“Tommy? What are you doing?”

“I want this. Please.”

Tommy hands Adam the guitar and sits next to him.He leans over kissing Adam gently. 

“Play something for me?”

Tommy records while Adam plays and sings the most beautiful song. Tommy just lets the tears fall down his cheeks. 

When Adam is done he pulls Tommy’s face to his. He kisses him gently. And when he breaks the kiss he leaves his lips just brushing against Tommy as he whispers ‘forever mine’ against Tommy’s lips. 

~ ~ ~ ~

Adam signs them both up.He just smiles as Tommy bitches and moans about the entire thing.Tommy pouts and whines to get out of it, but Adam just laughs it off. 

“You are going to learn with me baby.”

“I am not dancing. I don’t dance.”

Adam pulls Tommy closer to him.He kisses him before whispering into his ear. 

“I want to feel you in my arms. I want to see you move beautifully. I want to make love to you on the dance floor.”

Tommy just shudders at the thought.Adam can see the lust in his eyes.When Tommy finally agrees they go upstairs and make love.When they collapse onto the bed together the thought of dancing with Tommy brings a smile to Adam’s face.He can show the world how beautiful they are together. 

Adam learns so quickly.Tommy wants to just watch him; he is still so graceful as he moves across the floor.But when Adam takes Tommy into his arms it really is beautiful.Adam laughs as Tommy stumbles. He giggles every time whines about fucking dancing.

But in the end they are both having so much fun.And when the class ends it hits them harder than they expected.It’s just another ending they didn’t want to face.

~ ~ ~ ~

Tommy plans the perfect evening.He just needed some help. 

Cassidy helps him set it all up on the roof of his building.Just like in the movies. Dinner at a small round table covered in a cheesy red checkered table cloth.The picnic basket filled with bread, cheese and fruit.The very small bottle of wine for them to share is sitting in the middle on ice. 

Tommy comes home to find Adam sitting on the couch all dressed up.He has his makeup done up like he has not in a while.He knew they were going to dinner, but Tommy never expected this. 

He leans over the couch kissing Adam’s cheek. 

“Tommy...you…shaved?”

“Yep.”

He walks over plugging the video camera into the TV.He sits back down pressing play.Adam cries as he sees all of his friends getting their heads shaved, all in support of him. 

When the video is over Adam smacks Tommy on the shoulder. 

“You messed up my makeup!”

“Go fix it baby, and then we can do to dinner.”

Adam can’t get over Tommy with no hair. But he busts into a fit of giggles seeing Cassidy on their way up to the top of his building. 

They sit down and Tommy pulls out some paper.Adam just looks at him and smiles. 

“Paper airplanes baby?”

They fold the paper until they each have the perfect airplane.Adam holds on to Tommy as the walk close to the edge.Tommy breathing in and out slowly trying not to look down. 

But when they let the paper planes go it’s so beautiful to watch them fly as Adam stands behind him with his arms holding Tommy as tight as he can. 

It’s another one of those moments Tommy will remember forever. 

~ ~ ~ ~

The fans hear about everyone shaving their heads for Adam.He starts to get flooded with videos of support along with all the letters and messages he is already getting. Adam just hopes the fans remember Tommy when he is gone.

~ ~ ~ ~

They find the perfect time capsule.It took them a while, but when they found it, they knew it was the one. 

Adam filled it with some pictures and a pair of his fingerless gloves.He wrote a letter to whoever would find it about who he was and why he was doing this.

He put in his music and some lyric sheets of unrecorded music.He sprinkles glitter around the bottom.He put in one of the microphones he had saved from his first tour. 

He puts in some music of the artists that influenced him the most. 

When they sealed it shut Adam kissed the top of the box before putting it in the ground.They buried it outside their home by his favorite tree. 

Tommy felt a piece of his heart go into that box as well.

~ ~ ~ ~

Tommy and Adam fly up to Canada to a Hotel just outside of Algonquin Park.Tommy had found the perfect hotel for them to stay at that is close to anything Adam might need.He is getting weaker and Tommy knew this would be his last trip out of the states, possibly California. 

Tommy helps Adam out to the chairs by the pool after it gets dark.Tommy helps Adam sit in the lounger and then slides behind him.He pulls Adam back towards him as he covers them both up with the blanket. 

The sky is clear and the stars are so bright.It’s peaceful and they can almost forget everything. 

They both gasp when they hear the first howl. It’s beautiful and amazing. They sit out there for over an hour before Tommy feels Adam shudder from the cool air.

When they get back to their room Tommy holds him as they talk. They talk about everything avoiding the one thing they don’t want to face. 

When Adam finally drifts off to sleep Tommy just watches him burning the image of his loving husband into his mind.

~ ~ ~ ~

Dear Riff, 

I love you. I wish I was here to tell you all of this in person, but I am not.Life is hard, that is one of the first lessons you need to learn.But keep your family and friends close and they will make it better. 

I watched you go off to school for the first time last week. Your Mama and Daddy were so proud of you.You are already such a big boy.And now as you read this, you are graduating from High School. 

There is so much I wanted to show you.I just hope Tommy and Alison got to show you the world through my eyes since I cannot.

I want you to know so much. I wanted to be there when you needed to talk to someone other than your parents.I wanted to watch you grow and become the man you are now. 

So as you go off to discover yourself in the big world remember this. We love you. All of your family.Be true to yourself, don’t change for anyone.Remember your dreams, sometimes they will be all you have.Experience life, even if it’s drinking coffee at sunrise on the beach.Keep the music in your heart that I know your parents have put there.Fight for what is good and right, not just what is the easy way out.Love. Remember to love. Sometimes it will suck, but it in the end when you find the perfect soul mate it will be worth all the heart breaks you might have.Respect everyone, even if you don’t like them. 

I love you Riff. I wish I was here today watching you graduate. I wish I would be there as you experience life.As you fill the dreams that are tucked away in your heart.You will forever be in my heart. 

Love, 

G-pop

It takes Adam so many tries to write the letter, but when he finally signs it he just lets the tears stream down his face.Saying goodbye to Riff is like saying goodbye to his own child.The only thing harder is going to be saying goodbye to Tommy. 

Adam realizes that he has started measuring his life in weeks, not months.

~ ~ ~ ~

Tommy comes walking into their room one afternoon with a bottle.He knows there is not a lot of time left.He knows that Adam can’t walk far, but he will be there to help him. 

He sits on the edge of the bed with a bottle in his hand and a smile on his face. The smile that he has learned to plaster on over the pain he feels.

“Here baby boy. Write your note. We are going to the beach at midnight.”

He just smiles as he walks out, leaving Adam to write his note to someone. 

Adam writes the note, never sharing it with Tommy.He seals it up and lies back down to sleep. Adam wakes up later when Tommy kisses his forehead. 

“Wake up baby. We are going for a walk.”

Tommy smiles when he sees the bottle.Adam left all the glitter behind after his first tour but there it is in the bottle with the note. It’s the small reminder to Tommy of how they fell in love. 

Adam sleeps on the way to the beach.Tommy wakes him up helping him walk slowly along the beach. Tommy holding most of his weight as he helps the man he loves.The man he would do anything for including trading places with. 

And when Tommy throws the bottle in to the surf he feels a piece of his heart break. 

He knows there is only one thing left on the list.

~ ~ ~ ~ 

Adam lies in his bed at home.The full time nurse is downstairs making herself busy until he needs her again.He feels like someone he doesn’t even know anymore.He is small and weak and can’t even get out of bed without help. 

The machines that are in his room remind him of the time he has left.It’s dwindling away and there is nothing he can do about it.

His friends come and visit. They sit and laugh and ignore the huge white elephant in the room.They listen to music and talk about before Idol and the early days.They make him feel as normal as possible. 

He asks them to look after Tommy.He knows when he is gone Tommy will hide from the world.He wants him to be happy.

He starts to say goodbye.He writes a goodbye letter to all his fans. Tells them how he never forgot them and asks them to carry on his ideas of love. 

He writes letters to his closest friends asking that they are not to be opened until after he is gone. 

He writes a letter to Brad.It’s hard and heart wrenching but Adam tells him all the things that he never was able to tell him while he was alive. 

He writes a letter to Danielle. His other soul mate. The one that was there through everything. His own personal angel. 

He writes a letter to his mom and dad and brother. His loving family that stood by him no matter what.Who didn’t think he was completely nuts for some of the choices he made.The ones who always accepted for who he was, for the ideas he had about everything.

He leaves Tommy’s letter for last. It takes him three days to write it.The emotions overtaking him more often than not.But in the end he gets it all down the best he can.Finding the words to tell your true love, your soul mate, the other half of your beating heart goodbye is the hardest thing he has ever done.He tells Tommy things he has already told him.He writes about those special moments that seemed like nothing at the time but that he keeps locked away in his heart.And he tells Tommy how the hardest part of all of this is not losing his life, not the battle with cancer, but leaving Tommy.

~ ~ ~ ~

Tommy avoids it. He won’t bring the list up at all. He knows there is only one thing left. 

And when he helps Adam do it he will leave him. 

Adam doesn’t have much time left at all.He is counting his time in days.Every day he wakes up it’s an extra bonus.Tommy knows he has to do this soon or it will be too late and he won’t be able to live with himself if he doesn’t help him. 

He fills the bathroom with candles.He puts on soft music and fills the tub with water.He sprinkles in some of the scented oils that Adam loves so much. 

The nurse has to help Tommy get him in the tub. Adam smiles thru the pain.Tommy sits behind him holding him close.Tommy kisses him softly everywhere he can reach.He slips his fingers into Adam’s and holds on like he is never going to lose him.They talk and laugh and remember.Tommy knows in his heart this one of his last moments with Adam.He is greedy and wants it to last forever.He is hoping that if they never get out of the water he won’t lose him.

But when the water gets cold he calls the nurse back into help him.They get Adam back into bed.Tommy lays next to him whispering his love to his soul mate.

That night Adam dies in Tommy’s arms just like it was meant to be.

  



End file.
